2022-09-14 // This is a title for a post
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March 31st, 2023 - This is a Title.
Before I began to write, I knew what I wanted to write about. It's easy to forget about things when you're really good at distracting yourself with small, "last-minute", tasks.
Now that I'm back from another one of those tasks I think maybe these tasks are a necessary part of my enjoying the creative process. Maybe fun-time doesn't need to be filled strictly with long stretches of time filled with a singular activity and all of it's micro-activities. Maybe I got confused because that's how life seems to be structured.
Maybe I'm doubly confused as I'm realizing I don't properly appreciate breaks, and never really give them to myself. Maybe those so-called "distracting tasks" are unappreciated breaks.
Whatever.
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Today was a good day. I woke up earlier than normal, it was gorgeous outside and the birds were singing, and my apartment felt very silent and comfortable. My partner was sleeping soundly, and I greeted my cats with their usual dose of morning affection. So many kisses.I have felt more anxious than usual the past week, and today was no different. While I started my usual routine to prepare myself for the day my head was spinning with thoughts. Not very kind ones.
I don't know how to become unstuck from the things that have haunted me. To be honest -- I feel like the more I try to address and turn healthy the coping mechanisms I formed during the period that haunts me, the more disconnected I feel from everything. Which is while because I had already had a strange feeling of disconnectedness following me my entire life thus far. How could it possible feel stronger?
The only thing I know to do at this point is to lean into healthy actions, intentional breaths, and try my best to reframe my thinking. All in order to invite a me that loves me, prioritizes me, and can actually be the person I want to be.
In the spirit of that sentiment, I chose to make art today. The days I make art are so far and few between, so whenever I do I covet that time and make sure to squeeze every last minute out of the day doing whatever creative endeavor I want to. Today I chose to crochet my doll an accessory set consisting of a square beanie, leg warmers, and arm warmers. I also began to draft the blueprint (is this what it's called in sewing??) for her shirt. The goal is to create her a whole wardrobe and become comfortable drafting and crafting articles and clothing and accessories so that I can make items like that for myself. I think it would also just be really cool to make custom doll clothes! Imagine! Tiny itty shoes!
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I then played No Man's Sky for a good long while. I love that game so much. Let it be know henceforth that this game is the best thing to have ever happened to me. It is my favorite sci-fi game, story, and soundtrack, one to none!
This playthrough in particular was nice because I more aware of parts of the MSQ that I had missed or not paid attention to and felt extremely pleased. I was also suddenly very aware of the over-all message that the Atlas has for it's last creation is that existence is beautiful if you let it be, and if you go forward with a curious mind and and open heart you will be okay. I think I am going to write a full post about my thoughts on No Man's Sky one of these days. The game deserves so much attention.
Felipe then went to grab dinner for us, and a treat of one too. He got us carnitas from the best place we know that sells by the pound, and we made tacos. While we ate we chose to watch 30Rock. What a great show, Tina Fey really knocked it out of the park with that one. I love how self-aware the comedy is, and how she really leans into exaggerating the personalities of her characters in order to show common personalities in her industry. I also love that the show is supposedly (probably loosely, and I haven't even looked this up if I am being honest.) based around her life as a producer.
I then decided to write, as it is getting late and I am tired.
Alas, it is time for me to make room for Monday. I will choose to love you Monday, but I wish you would stop bringing uninvited guests into my home.
